Большая просьба проверить перевод gen.

[Alex1888]

Ребята, если нетрудно - проверьте, так как с русского на английский обычно не перевожу (но тут пришлось). Спасибо!

Большая часть моей карьеры складывалась в России. Переезд в Лондон с одной стороны становится новым вызовом и мощном мотивационным фактором, а с другой открывает передо мной возможность начать новую жизнь и выбрать ту работу, которая меня по-настоящему будет интересовать.
The largest part of my career took place in Russia. Moving to London was, on one side, a new challenge and great motivational factor, and on the other side a chance to start new life and choose a really interesting job.
Мой опыт работы в финансовой сфере дал возможность развить аналитические способности и позволяет хорошо разбираться в экономических процессах, в которых участвует любая организация.
My experience of working in the financial sphere helped me to develop good analytical skills and understanding of economical processes, which are characteristic for any organization.
Опыт управления небольшими коллективами научил меня грамотно выстраивать бизнес-процессы и эффективно осуществлять тайм-менеджмент, а также научил самодисциплине.
Experience in small companies management taught me to handle business processes and build an effective time management and have self-discipline.

Менеджмент проектов, которым я занимался на протяжении многих лет – это универсальный опыт, который применим в любой сфере. Все мои проекты – банковские, PR или культурно-массовые ивенты – строились по схожему принципу и включали в себя все этапы делового процесса: разработку концепта, планирование, создание команды, постановку задач, мотивацию, контроль выполнения.
The project management, which I dealt with for many years, is a universal experience, which is useful in any area. All my projects – bank and PR-projects or public events – shared the same principle and included all stages of business process: conceptual design, planning, team building, goal setting, motivation, task control.
Последние несколько лет моей карьеры были посвящены работе в области PR и журналистике, что развило мои творческие навыки и научило выстраиванию эффективных коммуникаций с аудиторией – будь то читатели, потребители продуктов и услуг, или инвесторы.
Last few years of my career were spent on working in PR and journalism area, which developed my creative skills and helped me to communicate effectively with the audience – readers, consumers of products and services, or investors.

Таким образом, большой практический опыт работы в разных сферах сочетается у меня с универсальными теоретическими знаниями и способностью осваивать новые процессы и методы, что, как мне кажется, делает меня оптимальным кандидатом для работы в вашей компании.
So, a large practical experience in different areas goes along with my universal theoretical knowledge and ability to master new processes and methods, which, as I think, makes me an optimal candidate for working in your company.

[Linch]

Это так не делается. Формулировки в русском тексте в данном случае уже отражают мышление англоязычного человека, только преломлённое сквозь призму русского языка, Такие cover letters - не-русское изобретение. Переводить это, - будет переводить лишь некий суррогат.

Звучит очень искусственно. Изначально нужно было писать по-английски. Или переписывать сейчас.

[Alex1888]

Если что - это не мой ковер-леттер :) Так что переписать не смогу..

Может, что-то посоветуете по тексту все-таки? Если нетрудно!

[square_25]

This is way too literal, unfortunately. For example, you translate:

"Большая часть моей карьеры складывалась в России." to

"The largest part of my career took place in Russia."

when you should really just say something like "I've spent most of my career working in Russia."

Can you go over it and make it more idiomatic?

[Amor 71]

В целом нормально. Можно кое-где подправить, но зачем? Если человек дал перевести, значит, его английский похрамывает. Поэтому, слишком сильно отшлифованный текст - признак того, что писали за него. Думаю, этого не надо делать. В HR сидят умные люди и понимают, что имеют дело с иностранцем.

[paderin]

мощный мотивационный фактор - powerful driver; upon being a project manager for many years, i gained my versatile experience which can refer to any application; all the projects i managed (banking, PR or mass cultural events) were built in the same pattern, they included all the business process stages like concept design, planning, team building, job definition, motivation, progress monitoring

[paderin]

during last years, my jobs were PR and journalism, these jobs mastered my creativity skills and taught me how to address target audience expeditiously whether it pertains to readers, product or service consumers, or investors; summing up what has been said, with my vast practices in various applications combined with my versatile theoretical skills and eagerness to learn new processes and methods, i believe i will suit your company fine

[гарпия]

Much of my career has been spent in Russia. On one side moving to London is a new challenge and a powerful driving force, on the other it opens up a new possibility of starting a new life and choosing a career truly interesting to me.

My finance work experience allowed me to develop analytical skills and enables me to be proficient in economic processes in which each and every organization is engaged.

Experience in managing small teams trained me to correctly build business processes and manage time effectively as well as it taught me self-discipline.

The versatility of many years of my project management experience renders it suitable for any field. All of my projects in banking, PR or mass cultural events were organized alike and included all of the stages pertaining to the workflow: concept design, planning, team building, setting goals and objectives, incentives and progress monitoring.

Over the past few years of my career I have dealt with PR and journalism building creativity skills and effective communication with a target audience whether it is readers, products and services consumers, or investors.

So, it seems to me that my vast expertise within different areas combined with versatile theoretical knowledge and the ability to master new processes and methods makes me a good fit for your company.

[гарпия]

Соглашусь с Амором - если претендент на пост пишет супер-пупер сопров. письмо, то такие же будут и ожидания в отношении языковых скиллс.

В моём варианте в предпосл. абзаце думаю надо whether it has been
А может и не надо :-)

[Alex1888]

Ребята, ну если мне заказали перевод в БП, я-то должен не ударить в грязь лицом и перевести нормально :) А остальное - проблемы клиента :)).

Всем огромное спасибо! Вы настоящие профи!)

[mikhailS]

26.11.2016 20:30 link +1

В идеале конечно ВСЕ переписать надо..
или отредактировать
The largest part of my career took place in Russia. Moving to London was, on one side, a new challenge and great motivational factor, and on the other side a chance to start new life and choose a really interesting job.
I have spent most of my professional life in Russia. Moving to London proves to be both challenging and rewarding experience, for it gives me an opportunity to start a whole new life and find a truly interesting job.

My experience of working in the financial sphere helped me to develop good analytical skills and understanding of economical processes, which are characteristic for any organization.
While working in the finance sector I've had a chance to greatly develop my analytical skills and /acquire the understanding of/gain intimate insight into ("gain insight'' sounds way better and more sophisticated, IMHO)/ economic processes that involve (the participation of) a wide variety of organizations.

Experience in small companies management taught me to handle business processes and build an effective time management and have self-discipline.
As a vastly experienced and self-disciplined project manager of small companies, I have substantial knowledge on how to streamline business processes and carry out effective time management.

The project management, which I dealt with for many years, is a universal experience, which is useful in any area. All my projects – bank and PR-projects or public events – shared the same principle and included all stages of business process: conceptual design, planning, team building, goal setting, motivation, task control.
My long-time involvement with project management has given me a truly universal experience that could be useful in any field. All my projects – banking, PR or public events – were built on the same principle and included all stages of a business process: conceptual design, planning, team building, goal setting, motivation and task control.

Last few years of my career were spent on working in PR and journalism area, which developed my creative skills and helped me to communicate effectively with the audience – readers, consumers of products and services, or investors.
Over the last few years I have focused on PR and journalism, thereby enhancing my creativity skills and learning how to effectively communicate with the audience – readers, consumers of products and services, or investors.
So, a large practical experience in different areas goes along with my universal theoretical knowledge and ability to master new processes and methods, which, as I think, makes me an optimal candidate for working in your company.
In light of the above, I believe that my extensive hands-on experience in different areas, coupled with diverse theoretical knowledge and the ability to master new processes and methods will make me an ideal candidate for the job and a valuable addition to your company.